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8/24/08

Beginnings

The other day was a day of great importance. It was 31 years ago I gave birth to my son.

What a day, and what a beginning. I started my labor on Monday morning, didn't even realize I was in labor until after my scheduled Dr.'s visit. It was going to be a long day, night and next day. This wasn't like the movies at all. I didn't wake up from this looking like Mrs. Walton or any other of the tv moms.

Giving birth in the 70's was a stepping stone to what it is now, with freedom of "expression" not a clinical version of giving birth, but to be present in the moment. We still had a long way to go but when the end result is a healthy bouncing baby boy, nothing else really matters.

I think we were going to have our friend Dave over for dinner. If I'm not mistaken it was supposed to be chicken, but with Dave it didn't really matter, any dinner would do, he appreciated food. I must thank Dave for helping to sustain my growing baby. There were alot of pancake breakfasts, so much so that the waitresses thought this baby was his...For shame or how funny is that?

I know there are alot of moments I cannot remember and this bothers me because I feel as if I should remember every single detail. I also know it is because of the euphoria and endorphines that kick in when you are in that state.

I remember counting toes and fingers making sure everything was in tact. After all was inventoried, his dad said how he was driving down the street letting everyone that passed know he was a new father, whew, there were moments of fear. How was he going to take care of a wife and a son. A lot of responsiblity a lot of joy alot of reality.
When we closed the door to leave for the hospital we were just we, but coming through the door we were three. Our lives changed, even with the baby kicking and the hunger cravings, we were still clueless. The cute little yellow room decorated with animals was busy now with crying , sleeping, and diaper changing. What a difference, it wasn't just a room for when the baby comes home, it was the room for the baby that is home.
We go through phases as well as the baby, because we are all in this as a new bouncing baby, if only we came with directions on how to parent as well as the baby on how to be taken care of.
Even now, as our roles are reversing this is all new, and we are still going through the motions trying to make it right, making mistakes and creating milestones. I know that life is so short, I've seen the passing of my parents, the passing of my friends child, and all I know is we need to stop and take an inventory of the parts we have long forgotten, we need to walk in and remember how we left, because to leave means eventually we will be re entering.

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