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3/28/08

October

I was called suddenly to come home and see her. She wasn't doing well at all.
It was so surreal, the time that you fear most when you are a little kid is smack in your face and you're not a little kid anymore.
You really do change places, but you don't forget your place. I've made decisions before with myself, my own family, but this is different. I hate it, because of what it means.
We have disagreed, to say the least, so to think I was making decisions for her and she might snap out of her moment and "get me" for it was a little nerve racking. I kept waiting for the snap to happen, I wanted to hear her get annoyed.
I prayed hard, and I asked for prayer from friends and strangers. And God does answer prayers. Someone said she's not going to go now she's going to show you different. She did. And I hung on longer.
I thought I was going to die when I had to leave. I knew what that meant. I knew that would be all and I cherished every minute I had and all the negative, nasty, garbage was symbolically buried and I thank God and am thankful that He gave me that time. I now remember so many details that will forever be mine.
I am taken back to a time of walking home from elementary school for lunch and she had Campbells Tomato soup and bologna sandwiches for me. (nectar for the kids then). I remember when she gave me the roses off my graduation cake, she had saved them in the freezer for a long time. I look on my counter and see the cannisters that she bought for me when we went the day after Christmas shopping, and it was the last time we ever did that too. I don't have to look very far to see or to feel, she left alot of positive and more smiles than tears.

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